Before the advent of all of this zippy technology, we were an oral culture. Elders were respected for their knowledge and wisdom. The molding of younger generations was placed squarely in their hands. Stories were passed through the generations. The acumen gleaned from such principles and dogmas were the basis of personal foundations.

These days, people are lazier. Having been raised in a society where everything comes faster and cheaper, short cuts are employed for every purpose. And so it comes about that when they have a question in their minds on any given subject these days, they seek out the modern-day replacement elder: Google.

Google is such a powerful tool of the modern age that it has transcended its status as a mere noun and has become a verb. Much in the way that people can often be heard saying, “Just Xerox it.”, time and time again, the mantra is, “Google it.”

Yes, people will plug pretty much anything into Google and I have proof. It really makes you wonder how peoples’ minds work.

Periodically, when checking the stats of my website, the boyfriend and I will look at the key phrases. These are phrases that people typed into a Google search that landed them on my page. The results are often quite amusing and sometimes beyond belief. I don’t really want to know the person who typed “Antalya spanking” into Google, but it sure makes me wonder why they ended up on my website as I clearly have no memory of posting anything vaguely S and M regarding Antalya or any city in the world. I am a lady, after all, and do not discuss such things in a public forum.
It’s not hard to imagine that anyone ended up on my site with such a key phrase didn’t end up spending much time on it. They moved on in less than a minute, which is information that is also provided.

Sometimes the key phrase gives me pause. I ask myself, “Who types things like this into Google?” Here are a few of my favorite most recent examples:

“Simple things that amuse me”

Imagine how shocked this person would be if upon typing this into the Google search, they were greeted with the following missive:

“Alice, you are very amused when people trip and fall, though it is not entirely polite or socially-acceptable to laugh. You try only to laugh when it is clear that the person is not hurt.”

I know WHY that key phrase directed her to my site, having recently stated that it’s the little things that amuse me. I just have a hard time understanding why someone plugs that into Google to begin with.

You can file “quirky ways to name things” under the same heading. And then you can please raise funds to buy that poor person an imagination for their birthday.

No key phrase so aptly embodies the sentiments of the opening paragraph so much as this one,

“Tell me some new-age poets.”

Yes, Google, please tell me. Asking an actual person would just be too complicated and personal and stuff.

The word “chickpeas” or “Turkish chickpeas” were also very popular key words, which is fair enough. But if you ask me to explain why someone is entering, “chickpea headache”, well, I am at a complete loss there. All I can say is that they have never given me a headache nor have I ever sought them as a headache cure. I believe I am trying to say that I am mostly a logical person, although that is open for debate.

It is also clear that the idea of susperstitions have a clear hold on the populace. Many a key phrase had to do with these:

“what does it mean when Turkish judge snaps pencil?”

Geez, I can only hope that whomever typed that wasn’t asking because it happened to them in court because this means that the judge is about to issue the death penalty. (gulp)

or how about the commonly asked, ” butterfly susperstition see in house” or “itchy nose susperstition”, “Turkish baby susperstitions” or even “red-headed Tara superstitions”?

I had to gaffaw aloud when I read “Ankara Red Light District.” Trust me when I say there is nothing in Ankara remotely resembling such a district. The more widely-accepted key phrase regarding Ankara comes up a few searches later: “Ankara boring”.

The boyfriend also became extremely interested in the phenomenon that is key phrases and he did something about it. He envisioned an automated website that takes the most popular keywords or key phrases on a daily basis and generates a haiku using that key phrase. He hired a programmer to do it and every once in awhile, it provides a good giggle. It’s at www.trendiku.com
Usually, the haikus are utterly non-sensical. After all, they are randomly generated in cyberspace by cyber elves. They mostly show that people are most often doing searches on celebrities in the news and also looking for people that they know/knew. How else would you explain the most popular searches for: “Kim Saigh” or “Hannah Aitchinson” or Jessie Goderz”? or “Florence Henderson”?

The enigmatic phrase, “twogirlsonecup” produced an equally baffling haiku:

forces board friend since
leaders never problems whole
twogirlsonecup

Some of them just sound like Engrish: “El Nino 2009″ created this one:

experience parts
el nino 2009
thing recently force

And I don’t know who Laura Crosby is, but her haiku reveals a revolutionary spirit:

laura crosby called
power moment really right
showed feeling street voice

What can I say? Stupid is the new fun.